


Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop

by revebaby



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Coffee Shops, Confessions, Dessert & Sweets, Dorks in Love, F/F, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Sequel, idk what else to write, idol joy, irene and wendy are best friends, seulgi and wendy are best friends, wendy is worried about change, wendy owns a coffee shop, yeri and wendy are best friends, yerim x yuleum in the background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:55:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23041327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revebaby/pseuds/revebaby
Summary: Wendy owns a twenty-four-hour coffee shop with two of her best friends who she's known most of her life.One customer looks a lot like the idol singer Joy, but it can't be her, right?When this customer spends a night with Wendy at her coffee shop, she's given an option. Does she stay with the girl who makes her feel like she's alive? Or does she continue living inside her comfort zone for the rest of her life?(Sequel to "One Bad Night", my Seulrene fanfic.)(Title: Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop by Landon Pigg)
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi, Park Sooyoung | Joy/Son Seungwan | Wendy, yeri | yuleum
Comments: 18
Kudos: 142





	Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop

**Author's Note:**

> so i made a sequel even tho nobody asked for it,,,, but i had to. i haven't been doing great lately, but this story along with one bad night and two others currently in the works were a way for me to take my mind off it. i know this isnt quite as good as one bad night, but this universe is really precious to me, so i really hope you enjoy!!! also, if you havent read one bad night, i highly suggest you do that before you read this to understand a bit better
> 
> heres the playlist i listened to while writing this fic on my yt channel: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL4FX5SMFTdQEGxmEyYinBRc383LsH6CUJ  
> here it is on spotify too: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3APihXe8r8aIA7SkyMqPIO?si=uxpESvYwSKGE4i8hWLp8yA
> 
> you can also search falling in love in a coffee shop by cozying on spotify or by revebaby on yt!!

She comes to the coffee shop every single day.

And not in the mornings before work either, like normal people would. She comes any time from eleven at night to four in the morning, spends ten minutes at the cash deciding what to choose, orders some extravagant sugary coffee that takes Seungwan up to twenty minutes to make, and then lingers making small talk while the people behind her (if any) complain. There aren't usually many people, though. Why would there be, at four o'clock in the morning?

Following this theme of abnormality, she seems to be inordinately beautiful. _Seems_ being the operative word. Seungwan has never seen her without a face mask pulled up to her nose and a cap or bucket hat over her eyes. Whatever features that are visible sure do seem beautiful. Kind of like one of those idol singers, one might say.

So what kind of beautiful woman would order a heavily caffeinated, pure-sugar drink at three in the morning? An artist, maybe, or a writer, or another twenty-four-hour coffee shop owner whose espresso machine has broken. Or a stripper. Or maybe it's just The Weird Girl Who Looks Kind Of Like That Singer Seulgi Likes Called Joy Except Not Really Because It's Most Probably Not Her. TWGWLKOLTSSLCJENRBIMPNH, for short. Fake Joy, for even shorter.

'I'm telling you,' Seungwan argues to her part-timers, Seulgi, whose shift has just begun, and Yerim, whose shift has just ended. 'She really does seem like someone important. She almost looks like Joy, but not quite? I mean, I've never really seen her face.'

'No offence,' is how Yerim opens her sentence, meaning what she's about to say is going to be very offensive. Her new girlfriend, Yuleum, is hanging onto her arm, so she'll probably be going soon. 'But why on Earth would someone like Joy want to come to a place like _this_?'

'Don't say _this_ like that. This is a nice place. It's a cute little coffee shop.'

Yerim whispers something to Yuleum, who laughs, and Seungwan sends a glare their way. Yerim smiles back innocently. She might act like kind of a troublemaker, but she's soft underneath. Yuleum brings it out a lot more. They've been dating for a month or two. Seungwan's just glad Yerim was able to get over Seulgi after all that unrequited pining.

'And how have I not noticed her? I'm like her biggest fan,' Seulgi intervenes. She's got her apron tied around her waist but she's lounging on the counter. It's pretty dead today, as usual for a night shift, so Seungwan has allowed (or ordered) Seulgi to nap in the break room for her shift. She's probably waiting for Joohyun, her girlfriend of seven months officially and countless years unofficially. Long story.

You might think Seungwan, surrounded by all this love, gets lonely sometimes. She hasn't dated anyone since the Great Choi Sungwoo Crisis of 2014.

(Crisis being they spoke for a month or less and went on two "dates" before Seungwan realized he was very much not interested in girls at all. She hopes he's doing well.)

But, honestly, she's fine. Mostly. She tries not to think about it.

Maybe she does feel something when she sees Yerim kiss Yuleum on the cheek, and maybe she has to look away. That doesn't mean too much. Right?

'Maybe it's because you're always asleep when she comes in.'

'This girl,' Seulgi huffs to Yerim. 'She tells you to sleep on shift and then complains at you for sleeping on shift.'

The little bell above the door rings and Seulgi jumps a little bit. Joohyun comes walking in, dressed in a blazer and a black pencil skirt. Again, Seungwan has to look away, because she sees Seulgi admiring Joohyun like nobody else is there and she feels a pang.

'Hey,' Seulgi says.

'Hey,' Joohyun says back. Somehow this short exchange is seeping with love.

Seungwan didn't like Joohyun much at first. It's another long story, but they haven't always been on the best terms.

'She's pretty cool. She knocked this guy out one time,' Yerim had argued when Seungwan asked her what she thought of this new addition to their friend group. That didn't change Seungwan's mind.

But because Seungwan is physically incapable of being unkind to anyone, Joohyun warmed up to her pretty quickly. They actually have a lot in common. Height or lack thereof being one factor because it's hard when everyone but you is over a hundred and sixty centimetres. She waves hello to Joohyun.

'Want something to drink?' Seungwan asks.

'A chamomile tea, please,' she replies, pointing to the boxes on the shelves behind the counter, the premium kind. You can take the girl out of Gangnam, but you can't take the Gangnam out of the girl. Seungwan turns the kettle on and picks out Joohyun's mug from the cupboard under the counter.

'Have you ever seen Joy come in here?' Yerim asks Joohyun as she slips on her coat.

'Joy?' she blinks, turns to Seulgi. 'That singer you like? Why would she be here?'

Yerim laughs in triumph and Seungwan rubs her temples. 

'You're soaking wet,' Seulgi comments to Joohyun.

'That's disgusting,' Yerim retorts as she turns around to leave hand-in-hand with Yuleum.

They both stutter out a response, a mix between a stutter of "No, not that," and "Come back here, you dirty girl." They're both flushing up to their ears and Seungwan can't help but chuckle as she pours Joohyun's tea out.

'I wasn't talking about that!' Seulgi says, so quick it sounds like one word, but it's lost on Yerim as she and Yuleum wave them goodbye from the door. 'Her---her coat.'

'Yes, it's raining a lot today. Oh, thank you.' Joohyun takes the steaming mug into her hands and Seungwan smiles at her in reply.

She looks out the window. If it had begun to rain, Seungwan didn't notice between the darkness of the sky outside and the volume of the trademark coffee shop music that she insisted she didn't like at first but now finds herself humming even when she goes home. It's pouring down and only getting worse, judging by the rain that pelts the big, glass windowpanes covered only by sets of blinds and the thunder that rattles them in their frames. Seungwan prefers sun to rain, even if this coffee shop is peaceful in the rain.

As if on cue, people start coming in then. First small clusters of friends, then bigger groups, all looking for something to do out of the rain.

One customer is a tall girl with a white face mask covering her mouth and nose and a big hoodie that reaches mid-thigh. Seungwan spots her immediately.

That's her. Fake Joy.

Seungwan shoots Seulgi a look, but she's already staring.

Fake Joy flips twenty-two inches of black hair curled into perfect little waves behind her. Seungwan thinks it's almost definitely her. If it wasn't for the mask, she'd know for sure.

'What?' Joohyun asks Seulgi, pulling on her sleeve. 'What is it?'

'I'll tell you later.'

The girl's eyes scan the electric board above Seungwan's head for a good five minutes.

'A lot of rain we're having, huh?' she says randomly without looking down.

'Uh. Yeah.'

'Do you---' Her head moves down and she looks Seungwan in the eye. 'Do you have any recommendations?'

'Oh. To be honest, I don't drink coffee. But our boba tea is quite a hit. I mean, _I_ like it.'

She laughs, soft but warm and sweet, her eyes crinkling slightly over the top of her mask. 'Sorry, but I need caffeine.'

'Not good for you,' Seungwan mumbles.

'Huh?'

_Oh God._ 'I said it's not good for you,' she says a little louder in a wavering voice.

'You're right.' She lets out another laugh. Smaller this time around. Seungwan feels shy for some reason. Is she just starstruck? 'I'll have a medium caramel waffle cone creme frappucino then, please.'

'Okay. Could I have a name?'

'Youngsoo.'

She stands by the counter, reading the electric board, all the time while her drink is being made. Most would rather sit down. 

When Seungwan moves to the side to fetch the caramel syrup, she whispers to Seulgi, 'What's Joy's real name?'

'Park Sooyoung,' Seulgi says automatically, watching with her mouth wide open. She has no shame.

'But she's Youngsoo?

'Seungwan, that's Sooyoung backwards,' Joohyun deadpans. 

'Oh. _Oh_. That's really Joy. Oh my god.'

'It might be. Don't get your hopes up. We're going to the break room,' she says, practically dragging Seulgi away. Joohyun is allowed in the break room because she's an honorary part-timer.

Seungwan looks over and the Joy is looking right at her. She makes herself busy by picking up a shovel of small ice cubes with a shaky hand and dropping half of them back into the ice machine as she pours them into the blender.

Their hands touch when she hands the drink over.

'Thanks,' Fake Joy who is maybe not fake after all says, and she grins down at Seungwan for just a second too long like there's something she wants to say but she's still figuring out how to say it.

'Why is it taking so long?' the middle-aged woman behind her asks. Joy bows in apology twice and then spins back around.

'Could I...'

The Park Sooyoung (potentially) tongue-tied in Seungwan's little old coffee shop. What a dream.

'Yes?' Seungwan urges because the woman behind her is getting agitated and Seungwan sometimes cries when people yell at her. 

'I was wondering if I... could get another one of these drinks? It's really good.'

'Oh. Oh, yes, of course. You haven't even tasted it, though.'

And as Seungwan is serving the few people after, she watches her, sat at a little round table by the window, take a sip of the drink from under the mask and screw her face up in disgust. She drinks all of both though.

Then she comes back to the counter not half an hour later.

'Another one?' Seungwan asks, rising from where she is leaning on the countertop with a book Joohyun lent her in hand.

'No. No, thank you.' "Maybe Joy" breathes a laugh. 'They're kind of sweet for me. What are you reading?'

Seungwan checks the cover, then lifts it for Joy to see.

'Oh, I read that.'

'You read?'

She lets out an exhale that sounds like it's kind of meant to be a laugh, but it isn't. Like she's fed up. 'Yes, I read. Why is that so hard to believe?'

'I'm sorry. That wasn't what I meant.'

'No, I know. So, listen, I had something to ask before, but I chickened out, and...'

'Go ahead,' Seungwan says, but she feels something in her stomach she hasn't felt since 2014. Why? She doesn't know. Fake Joy was cute because she was fake, but Real Joy? Cute, undoubtedly, but decidedly not Seungwan's type. She's just so cool. It probably wouldn't work out.

Her eyes turn up to the board again like it's easier not to make eye contact. 'Are you free any time this week? When you're not working?'

Seungwan pauses with the book still open in her hands. 'I'm sorry?'

'I mean,' she blinks rapidly for a second. Their gazes connect. 'Would you like to go somewhere?'

'Like, on a date?'

She shrugs.

'With you?'

'Preferable but not necessary.'

Seungwan kind of wants to say yes. She wonders how often anything at all happens in her life. How long since there's been anything that excited her. But, no, she has her feet planted firmly on the ground. How could she, regular old Seungwan, date somebody like Park Sooyoung, the nation’s sweetheart, Seulgi’s celebrity crush, the most popular model/actress/singer-songwriter/aspiring producer/pilates enthusiast to ever have come from SN Entertainment? Don’t ask Seungwan how she knows all that though.

She closes her book, using somebody's abandoned receipt as a bookmark. 'I'm sorry. I think you'd be kind of busy.'

'How could you know that?'

'I mean, you're you.'

'You know who I am?'

Oh. That confirms it then.

'Of course I know who you are. My best friend's your biggest fan.'

She chuckles but it's kind of sad. 'Oh. I'd love to meet her.'

'Well, she's in the break room with her girlfriend, so that's kind of bad timing.' Then Seunwan screws her face up. 'Sorry, that sounded dirty. They're not like that, I promise.'

'So... it's a no?'

She tries for a polite, apologetic smile but it feels tight like a grimace. 'I'm really sorry. You seem great, though.'

'That's okay,' she says. 'It's alright. I'm gonna go now, though.'

'Yes. See you.'

She fixes her mask and walks to the door not dejectedly, but confidently still. She's Joy through and through. God, how embarrassed she must feel. Seungwan cringes internally. She feels awful right now, but it's nothing a cup of boba can't fix.

(There's a little nagging inside her that she should have just said yes. But would she regret it?)

The girl opens the door and leaves. Then, not even a minute later, the little bell rings again. It's still her. Somehow, she looks like she's been out in the storm for hours already.

She approaches the counter with confidence that kind of falters halfway through.

'I'm sorry,' she says. 'I know the timing is awful, but you don't have an umbrella, do you?'

Seungwan shakes her head no. She always forgets it at home. It's probably still hanging on the back of a chair in the kitchen.

Joy looks around the room with her brows furrowed. There's a lot of people now and she's pretty popular. Seungwan tries to put herself in Joy's shoes. The poor girl must be shaking in her little red kitten heels. There was a time maybe a year or six months ago when she was mobbed and knocked over at the airport three consecutive times and people had grabbed any part of her body that was closest. Those things have a lasting effect on people. Of course she'd be scared.

'Listen,' Seungwan calls out without really realizing. 'If you're worried about being recognized, you could hang out in the break room until the rain stops. I mean, my friend who I told you about is in there and so is her girlfriend but I promise they're friendly, and we won't tell anybody who you are.'

Joy blinks once and then twice. 'But I don't work here.'

'I know you don't work here.'

'Wouldn't the boss mind?'

'I am the boss,' Seungwan laughs. This is my coffee shop. Nobody can tell me what to do.'

'Oh. Cool.'

She takes Joy behind the counter and down the hallway where the little break room is. She's starting to feel apprehensive, though, because that legendary break room is not much more than four off-white walls, a dingy yellow light, and an old sofa from her parents' house.

She opens the door and Seulgi and Joohyun, sat on a blanket on the floor with a carton of banana milk each in their hands, jump a thousand miles apart. It's not like they were doing anything particularly scandalous, they're just a lowkey kind of couple. Well, most of the time.

'Sorry, it's not much,' Seungwan says, letting Joy in and closing the door behind her. It's only then she realizes just how tall she is. Or maybe Seungwan is getting shorter. 'But we have wifi. Maybe you can arrange for someone to pick you up. Seulgi will find you the password.'

'Huh? Seulgi's staring at Joy with wide eyes and she seems to have stopped breathing. Joohyun looks confused more than anything.

'Help Joy find the password. I have to get back to the shop.'

Seungwan takes her leave and Joy's eyes follow her to the door.

\---

There are maybe thirty people crammed into that little coffee shop that night, but only three lattes, one iced americano and a bottle of water are purchased. Seungwan doesn't mind too much. The problem is that it leaves her alone with her thoughts.

Like a taste of bitter espresso, she thinks of the night shifts before. When Seulgi would fall asleep next to her, head cradled in her arms on the counter, and Yerim would throw open the doors at the start of her shift, give or take a few minutes (or hours), and go, "what's up, fuckers!" in the loudest voice possible and Seulgi would jump so hard she'd almost fall off her stool.

But now Seulgi spends most of her shift with Joohyun, who Seungwan had only ever heard of in Seulgi's breakup/hookup horror stories before, and Yerim doesn't swear as much because Yuleum doesn't like it, and nothing feels quite right about that. Not that it feels wrong. It doesn't feel wrong either. It's just a thought that Seungwan would rather avoid on a night like tonight.

(She wonders where her friends how she knows them went. She wonders where the vigour of life went.)

Seungwan closes Joohyun's book because she can't silence her mind and focus anyway. She busies herself by experimenting with three different drinks to see which is the least sweet but also the best, how Joy might like it. Oh, and she makes two chamomile teas for Joohyun and Seulgi too. The shop will be fine if she leaves for five minutes. Just in and out. She doesn't have to speak to Sooyoung and make things awkward. She just has to put the drinks on the table and get out of there. Besides, if it's this awkward for her, how must Joy feel?

She knocks on the door to the break room with her elbow first because in her hands she's carrying a plastic cup wedged in the crook of her arm and two mugs which are threatening to slip through her fingers and scald her. She kicks on the door this time, a bit more urgently.

Seulgi is the one to answer. Seungwan almost sighs in relief.

'Is everything okay?'

'What? Yes, it's fine.' Seungwan pushes past her into the room. Under her bangs, she can see two high-heeled feet, one crossed over the other, dangling from the itchy fabric sofa. She can't look at their owner. She feels too weird about it.

'I made you guys some drinks,' she announces, handing the two mugs to Seulgi and Joohyun and putting the plastic cup on the coffee table with various stains in the middle of the room. She notices that there's an identical mug behind Joohyun, still full with now-cold tea. In their hands are those cartons of banana milk instead. Something aches a little seeing it.

'Uh, and this is for you. It’s an iced Ristretto ten-shot venti with breve, five pumps vanilla, two pumps caramel, one Splenda, poured, not shaken. I tried not to make it too sweet. If it’s kind of sweet, just tell me, I’ll make you another.’

They're all staring. Seungwan feels dumb. She glares at those little red kitten heels.

'Thank you,' says their owner. 'How much do I owe you?'

'No, no, it's on the house.'

'Oh. Well, thank you.' There's a smile, Seungwan can feel more than see. She makes the mistake of looking up to see it.

Joy the idol singer has always been pretty, but Park Sooyoung is something else.

She has her mask off now, revealing two red lips and facial proportions the like of which Seungwan's never really seen before. But she isn't ethereal. She's beautiful, and she's real, and she's right there.

'Seungwan?' Joohyun's voice calls her back to the world.

'Yes?'

Seungwan realizes she's staring then. 

She decides to make herself busy by picking up wrappers Joohyun and Seulgi have left on the floor, making grabby hands for that old mug behind Joohyun. She's turning bright red all the way down to her neck.

'Seungwan, there's a customer.' Joohyun gestures to the CCTV monitor on the wall above Joy's sofa. There are a man and woman in their late twenties standing at the counter, peering down the corridor to the break room and ringing the little bell that's on the countertop impatiently. Seungwan drops everything onto the coffee table and rushes out the door, accidentally slamming it behind her.

She's screaming inside, but she puts on her best customer service smile when the couple comes into view and she takes down their order of one caramel macchiato and a herbal tea and two white chocolate muffins. She takes way too long because her hands are shaking out of control and they leave a measly tip, but she still waves goodbye to them as they leave before collapsing onto the counter in front of her, holding her head in her hands, feeling the cold of the marble against her cheeks which are hot enough to fry an egg.

Son Seungwan is a clown. No, she's the whole circus. That Joy must agree with. 

Then the little bell rings again by left ear. She hisses and sits up cradling it.

'How may I help---'

Seulgi is grinning down at her in her little raincoat so smugly. Seungwan simply glares back. Tries to, anyway. She probably doesn't look too threatening right now.

'What do you want?'

'So,' Seulgi draws out. 'Joy, huh?'

Seungwan turns even redder if it's possible.

'You sound like Yerim. What do you want?'

'So what, you turned beet red just for fun?'

'I didn't turn beet red. And I just think she's pretty.' Seungwan wants to slap that grin off Seulgi's face right now. 'I think all girls are pretty. No big deal.'

'All girls, but especially Joy.'

'Oh, shut up. How are you even this calm?'

She shrugs, looks over the coffee shop as she talks. 'I'm surprised too. I was kind of starstruck at first, but she's different than she is onstage. I thought she seemed a little arrogant, but she's not.'

'Really?'

Joy's Instagram suddenly comes to mind. It's complete with three pictures daily, most of which seem to be thirst traps.

'She seems so confident,' Seungwan adds, trying not to think of those pictures right now. 

'She is,' Seulgi replies with a nod, 'it's like her whole gimmick, but she's different too. I think if you just spoke to her, you might have a chance. Ask her if she likes girls.'

'I don't want a chance with her, Seulgi.'

'Well, why not? You're obviously attracted to her. Is there someone you're not telling me about?'

'No, of course not,' Seungwan says, pinching the space between her eyebrows. 

'It's okay if there is---'

'There's not, Seulgi. We spoke earlier.'

'And?'

'And she asked me out.'

Seulgi freezes. She turns around slowly, eyes permanently wide.

'What? What is it?'

'She asked you out? So she does like girls. Oh my god. Do you realize how big of a deal this is? Why didn't you say anything?'

'Seulgi, it's not---'

'Don't say it's not a big deal.' Seulgi reaches over the counter to hold Seungwan by the sides of her face gently as Kang Seulgi would. 'It's a huge deal. She basically outed herself to you. She already trusts you. She must like you. Tell me you said yes, Son Seungwan.'

'See, what if she sees this and thinks you're two-timing Joohyun?' Seungwan asks as she brushes Seulgi's fingers away from her cheeks. 'I said no.'

'Are you serious right now, Seungwan?'

'Yes,' she says definitely. 'She seems like too much for me, you know? Her life is.. well, full of life. Would she even have time for me?'

Seulgi scoffs. 'All that, but you're acting like a schoolgirl around her?'

'I'm not.'

'She's different than you think,' Seulgi says, very seriously. 'If you speak to her about something other than coffee, you'll realize that.'

'Jesus, Seulgi.'

'Sorry, too much?'

'No, but tell me what you came here for.'

She smiles again sheepishly. 

One thing about Seulgi. When she used to smile, it would be happiness in parentheses or happiness, but sadness too, or happiness, but just for now, or happiness, but it's all fake. Now it's just happiness. Seungwan should be more proud of her friend than she is.

'I was wondering if me and Joohyun could leave early tonight? I mean, the rain is thinning out and people are leaving.'

Seungwan lifts her gaze out the window to confirm that from a storm, a heavy-ish shower is left. She feels a sense of relief. She isn't particularly fond of the rain, tranquil as it may be. At least now Joy can leave and things can go back to normal.

'Fine.' Seungwan resumes her brooding position. 'Whatever.'

Seulgi disappears into the break room and comes back half a minute later. She says her goodbyes and Joohyun pats Seungwan's head gently in farewell.

Well.

Thank god that's over.

Seungwan hasn't been this embarrassed since that one busy morning shift where she burned her hand on the coffee machine and spilt two whole gallons of milk while the two old ladies at the cash register yelled at her for being incompetent and for hiking up the prices of a cup of coffee from the 200 won they remembered. Meanwhile, Yerim happily enjoyed her break sat at a table by the side of the coffee shop, watching while munching on her snacks like Seungwan’s whole career was a poorly rated sitcom on TV. Well, until Seungwan burst into tears and she came rushing over. See? She pretends not to be sweet but she really, really is.

At least Park Sooyoung is out of her shop and out of her mind. For the most part. Maybe Seungwan can take mornings and afternoons from now on. She probably won't. She's used to nights, even if they're not how she remembers.

Wait a second.

Seungwan sits up suddenly. More people have left. Did Seulgi say something about Joy leaving? Has she even left? Seulgi had said "me and Joohyun", right? That means Park Sooyoung is still in that stinky little break room, all alone.

Seungwan pushes off the stool so suddenly that she stumbles on her way to the corridor. She opens the door as urgently as one might open the window to a fire escape.

Joy is curled up on the sofa, her neck bent to lean her head against the wall behind her. Seungwan does not take notice of the toned, golden thighs that are suddenly exposed. The girl jolts awake.

'What is it?' she asks, urgency in her voice. She frantically searches her hoodie pockets for her phone. 'Is it morning already? Why didn't you wake me when the rain stopped?'

'Hey, calm down. It hasn't even been two hours. How can you sleep with all that sugar and caffeine in your system?'

'Well, I'm pretty sleep-deprived,' she replies with humour in her tone but she doesn't laugh and neither does Seungwan.

'Um. The rain has slowed down,' she announces, gesturing to the dirty window opposite them. 'You can leave if you want. I think you should be fine if you put up your hood.'

She sighs softly. 'I'm not supposed to get my hair wet. The stylists don't open until seven and I'm filming at MCountdown at four.

'Four?' Seungwan's eyes go wide. 'Is that even legal?'

'Probably not, but what do they care?' she says. Humorous again, but not funny. 

'Don't you have your own stylist?'

She shakes her head. 'They never hired one for me.'

'But why? You're like the biggest soloist in Korea.'

The tips of her ears turn red. Her face might too if it weren't for all the makeup they've caked onto her. 

'I'm not,' she says. 'There's IU, Sunmi, Taemin, Hyuna...'

'That's true,' Seungwan admits with a shrug. 'But you're among them. Even if they've been around longer, you're still among the best of the best. Or maybe you're just one of my favourites.'

She just stares a little while, lips quaking like she doesn't quite know what to say. She gives a little smile instead. 'Thank you.'

Seungwan decides not to look directly at that tiny smile that shines brighter than the sun could ever. 'So, anyway, could you maybe call a manager or something?'

'No, I can't,' she says with pursed lips. 'He thinks I'm at the vocal studio rehearsing.'

Seungwan blinks. She looks around the break room. 'This doesn't look like a studio. Why would he think that?'

'Because he dropped me off at the studio and left me to go sleep so I left for a "coffee break",' she says with two air commas.

'You lied to them?' Her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. 'I didn't think you would do that. I always think idol singers are like puppets. Uh, no offence.'

'None taken. A lot of people think that.' She crosses her arms as she stands up. 'Nobody realizes I'm even a person.'

Seungwan feels a bit more guilty. 'So, um, do you want to stay here and sleep some more?'

'Could I stay with you?'

She pauses. 'Huh?'

'Could I stay with you in the coffee shop?' her skin is red even underneath her foundation but she maintains eye contact anyway, confident as Joy is meant to be. 'I'm not supposed to sleep. I might crease my makeup. I promise you it has absolutely nothing to do with what happened earlier. I'd be happy if you just forgot that.'

'Oh,' is all Seungwan knows how to say. 'Oh. Sure.'

'Besides,' she says, pointing to the cute little furry rabbit with big glass eyes that Seungwan had won from a claw machine with Seulgi a long time ago, the one Yerim always turns so that his back faces the rest of the room. 'He's creeping me out.'

\---

God, why have you forsaken me? What did I ever do wrong?

That's what Seungwan's thinking right now.

Joy is sat next to her on the stool Seulgi used to occupy with her mask back on and her hood pulled way over her head to hide the iconic bangs which she's recently had cut, her head cradled in her arms on the counter just the way Seulgi used to sit. She's probably not supposed to do that, but she looks peaceful, and Seungwan's not sure what she would say anyway, so she remains silent.

She gives Joy another drink on the house just to make up for earlier even though she doesn't say it out loud because Joy wants to forget. Joy probably feels worse, so she'll go along with that.

Most everyone has left now, aside from the PDA-ridden couple who sit in the corner of the coffee shop and a university student who seems to be doing anything but the essay in front of him. That brings back memories of Seungwan's university days. She can't relate to the other customers, the couple, though.

Luckily, nobody notices who Joy is. Or that she's there. Perhaps they're regulars who are also used to having someone asleep beside Seungwan even though things are changing.

Seungwan helps herself to a chocolate chip cookie. She doesn't eat dinner anymore. Her diet consists of boba tea and whichever sweets she baked that day. Not exactly healthy, but it's convenient.

When she finishes that, she reaches for a slice of lemon cake with fondant on top. 

'And you said something about all the sugar in _my_ system.'

Seungwan almost drops the cake. Joy has shifted and now she's looking right at her, head still laid gently in her arms.

'You do have a lot. There's a lot of sugar in those coffees,' Seungwan retaliates. 'Couldn't you sleep?'

'I was hearing this crunchy noise, like a mouse or something.' And she smirks. She smirks. 

'I have a sweet tooth,' Seungwan admits in a small voice. 'Do you want anything?'

'I shouldn't. I have to weigh myself pretty regularly.'

'Really?' Seungwan asks, eyes wide as she bites into her snack. 'That sounds like torture. What about all those drinks you keep buying?'

'They don't have to know about those,' she says with a little laugh. 'I work out, anyway.'

Oh, that explains why her long legs are toned and why her biceps are surprisingly built. Not that Seungwan has looked.

'What's your name by the way?'

'Me?' Seungwan asks like there's anyone else within two metres of them.

'Yeah. You don't have a nametag.'

'Right. That was because of safety reasons since we're all girls. I don't think it's safe to give your name out just to anyone.'

'I mean, I'm just anyone.'

Seungwan thinks for a second. 'You're not,' she says. 'I'm Son Seungwan.'

'I'm---'

'I know who you are,' Seungwan says with an ill-judged laugh. 'Everyone does. You're Joy.'

She pulls a face like Seungwan has just sworn at her, that smile disappearing from her eyes.

'I'm not just Joy,' is what she says. 'Call me Sooyoung please.'

A beat of silence. 'I'm sorry if I offended you. You're just popular. That's what I meant,' Seungwan admits.

'I know,' Joy---Sooyoung says. 'It's just that most people think I'm just a singer, you know? You were wrong before. I am just anyone. That's not a bad thing. I'm a person like anybody else,'

How is this girl so open with someone she barely knows? Seungwan had always thought idols were supposed to be good liars. How can't they be, if they had to hide every single facet of who they are? But Sooyoung is genuine and honest. Meanwhile, Seungwan, who is decidedly not an idol, can't even tell her best friends that she's sort of jealous of them but at the same time she misses more them more than ever.

'I get it,' Seungwan says quietly. She silently wonders if she's done the same thing she did to Sooyoung to Seulgi and Yerim. If she's trying to box them into one single personality, trying to force them to be the Seulgi and Yerim she's known for most of her life. It would be a selfish thing.

'What?' Sooyoung asks. 'You look like you're thinking.'

'Nothing,' Seungwan says immediately, as she's done for five years straight.

And Sooyoung, obviously unsatisfied, simply nods in response and directs her attention back to the little coffee shop.

The university student is packing his things now. He's probably not even done. The couple is still sitting too close.

'Do you always people-watch?'

'What? That's what you call it?'

She shrugs. 'It's what _I_ call it. I do it too. Living vicariously.'

'I'm not living vicariously,' Seungwan scoffs, her hands balled up on the counter. Sooyoung is the type of person to push. Like everything she's seen in the idol industry has given her X-ray vision, and she can see right through Seungwan. It's intimidating.

(At the same time, Seungwan kind of welcomes it. Sooyoung understands the things about herself that even Seungwan doesn't. Is that why she doesn't suggest Sooyoung gets a taxi? Because maybe she wants to spend time with Sooyoung, who's different than she expected?)

'Are you sure?' she looks over at the couple. 'Are you dating anyone?'

'No.'

'See.'

She's probably grinning right now. Seungwan looks over, and no, she's not being made fun of. Sooyoung is looking at her with eyes that seem concerned. It's a far cry from Yerim's style of therapy, which consists mostly of almost-mean jokes in an attempt to cheer her friend up.

'How come?' she asks. 'You're pretty and kind.'

'Well, thanks, but I don't know,' Seungwan admits.

In a quiet voice, 'Is it Seulgi? You like her?'

Seungwan can't help but snicker. 'No. God no. Are you kidding?'

'It's okay if you do.'

'She's like a sister to me. Oh my god.' She starts the sentence off with a laugh, but then she swallows it down. 'I haven't dated since college.'

'Do you want to?'

Seungwan doesn't know the answer. She's tried to avoid it.

'Maybe I do,' she hears more than feels herself say. 'It's like I yearn for life, I've been this way for so long. If it were to change, it would feel... I don't know. Weird.'

Besides, she's not a fan of meeting new people anymore. Take Park Sooyoung as an example.

'I don't know,' she mumbles to Sooyoung, who watches her with genuine interest.

'Well, that's fine. You seem like you want to, but I'm not going to push you for reasons.'

'What about you?' Probably not the best question, given that society likes to crucify female idols for normal human things like dating and sweating.

She frowns, her nose crinkling the way Seungwan has seen on variety shows. 'I'm kind of busy for anything like that,' is her answer. It's pretty convenient, but she doesn't seem like she's lying. If anything, the truth seems to depress her.

'Do you want to?'

Sooyoung shrugs. 'Naturally. I've only ever been on two dates my whole life.'

Seungwan’s eyes go wide at that. Is it possible? The Park Sooyoung, whose hair is thick and long and whose body is toned and Instagram “goals” and whose personality is just as attractive as her face is hasn't found someone just as perfect as she is?

Sooyoung laughs at Seungwan’s expression. Not sadly, but kind of like she’s bored of it too. ‘Yeah, that’s how most people react when I tell them.’

‘But you’re you. Who wouldn’t want to date you?’

She buries her face a little further into her makeshift pillow of arms so that the mask is no longer visible and her voice becomes muffled. ‘That’s why most people want to date me. Or know me. I’m sure that’s why you’re talking to me now, but---’

'I'm not,' Seungwan says quickly. It's more than a white lie. Sooyoung, surprisingly, is a good listener. It's no wonder she's so beloved.

'Well, thanks,' she says like she wants to believe it but can't. 'But it's really hard to find people who like me because I'm Sooyoung, and not because I have money or because of my looks or because I'm Joy. Trust me, I've looked. I don't have the time for it.'

The way she speaks and the way her eyes shine over to the top of her mask, it's like she's lived a thousand lives before this. Seungwan wonders if she was the same when she was twenty-three. Probably not. Sooyoung's mature for her age. You wouldn't expect it.

The young man comes to the counter then. He orders a medium hot chocolate with whipped cream to go.

Seungwan prepares it in a plastic cup with a sleeve, feeling Sooyoung's gaze on her as she pours in the steamed milk and adds a heavy amount of whipped cream on top, complete with chocolate shavings and a paper straw.

The man thanks her as he takes the drink, places five-thousand won on the countertop in front of him. As Seungwan is handing him his change, his girlfriend comes rushing over and takes his hand very indiscreetly.

Then he says, ‘Oh, and can I have another straw, please?’

So Seungwan gives him one and waves to them as they leave, emptying the coffee shop behind them. 

‘I hate couples,’ Sooyoung groans once the little bell above the door jingles it shut.

‘My thoughts exactly.’

‘Is it always this empty at nighttime?’

‘Pretty much,’ Seungwan agrees with a mix between a nod and a shrug.

‘So what do you do? Close early?’

Now that Seungwan thinks about it, she’s never really closed the shop early at all. Work is a good alternative to thinking about your life and what you want.

‘No,’ she replies. ‘I kind of like night shifts.’

‘Why? Isn’t it lonely?’

It is sometimes. Especially without a certain Kim Yerim to make fun of you as endearingly as someone can and without Kang Seulgi to sit beside her and play bar music for ten hours straight. It’s not even about all the work Seungwan is stuck with. Neither of them does an awful lot anyway.

But she still smiles and shakes her head. ‘Not really,’ she tells Sooyoung. She doesn’t know her well enough for that yet.

‘That’s good then. Can I ask you something?’

'Yes?'

'Can you teach me how to make coffee?'

\---

Seungwan discovers that as mature and smart Sooyoung is, she’s childlike in a sense. Fascinated by literally everything around her.

To put it simply, she touches everything. 

‘Do you do this at music shows too?’ Seungwan asks half sarcastically, snatching the decorative teaspoon her parents had given her from one of their post-retirement and post-child-rearing vacations out of Sooyoung’s hands.

‘Of course,’ she says, eyeing the coffee machine in a way Seungwan does not like. That thing can get unbelievably hot. She learnt that the hard way. ‘How do you think I set up all that equipment for those covers I post? The company definitely didn’t do it for me.’

That’s probably true. Seungwan is about to say that she’s never seen one of Sooyoung’s covers, maybe that will make her seem like less of an infatuated fangirl (read: Kang Seulgi). But then she remembers that one cover of Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid Sooyoung played on guitar in the practice room in comfortable workout clothes that somehow suit her better than any fitted mini-dress could ever, the one Seungwan likes to play on the TVs even though it was released a good three years ago. She closes her mouth tightly, tries to fight the flush rising to her head and to think of literally anything else.

'Yeah, so,' she begins in a mumble, reaching for the portafilter on the coffee machine, twisting it back and forth to disconnect it. It comes off kind of forcefully and she stumbles back and Sooyoung's hands go towards her but that's enough to make her stand straight again. 

'First, this is a portafilter,' she says shakily. 'There are different sizes.'

'What's that one?'

'I don't know. A double shot, I think. My parents bought me this espresso machine when I opened the shop.' She laughs nervously. 'You put the coffee in here. We use a machine to grind the coffee beans usually. Sometimes we use coffee grounds if we're in a rush, though,' she says, reaching for the little bowl of freshly ground coffee next to the machine, tipping in maybe a tablespoon.

'Shouldn't you use a measuring spoon or something?'

'Nah, I've been doing this a while. I know how to eyeball.' But then she realizes she's kind of overdone it, so she levels the heap with her finger. 'Could you pass me that tamp?'

'The what?' she asks cluelessly. 'This?'

'The smaller one.'

Sooyoung hands the tamp over from the drying rack next to the sink. Seungwan quickly realizes she forgot to clean it. That's embarrassing. She wipes the damp coffee grounds on her apron.

'So then you just press this down, like so,' she says, and she begins tamping into the portafilter with her elbow bent at kind of a weird angle. 'Do you wanna try?'

Sooyoung nods, making little grabby hands for the filter. 'I just put this thing in this thing, right?'

'Uh. Yeah.'

Sooyoung presses the tamp so hard against the counter that a vein becomes visible in her neck. Seungwan redirects her attention to the espresso machine.

'What's this for?' she asks in a strained voice like her teeth are gritted.

'Just to create pressure,' Seungwan replies. 'You can take it out now.'

So Sooyoung lifts the tamp and watches as the entire filter basket comes off with it. She looks at Seungwan with pure alarm in her eyes but a polite smile on her lips, mask pulled down to her chin.

‘It’s okay,’ Seungwan says immediately, taking the filter from her grip. She’s kind of worried too if she’s honest. This is a piece of the past that Seungwan probably won’t ever be able to get back. ‘It’s okay,’ she says anyway, and Sooyoung’s face relaxes again, so it’s worth it. 

The filter comes off eventually, even though coffee spills over Seungwan’s shirt and apron. She presses it back down into the portafilter.

‘I’m sorry,’ Sooyoung says in a small voice, hands reaching out again to help. ‘Sorry, I know it’s precious to you.’

‘No, it’s fine. See?’ She removes the tamp, revealing a perfectly functional double-shot portafilter underneath, tarnished from years of use. ‘Besides, it’s old. It might break soon. Uh, then you just clip it into the machine like so.’ She pushes the filter into the group head, twisting it to secure it. ‘Then you just press this button here, and you’ve got yourself a shot of espresso.’

‘Wow,’ Sooyoung says like she’s watching something cool, not coffee dripping out of an old, rusty portafilter into a plastic cup from the staff cupboard.

‘It starts expiring pretty quickly.’ Seungwan bangs the filter against the bin to get rid of the used grounds, then rinses it under the group head. ‘Try it, if you want.’

She watches Sooyoung take a sip, and try with all her might not to grimace. She gives a satisfactory hum even though her lips are starting to pucker from the bitterness. 

(It’s then Seungwan realizes that her hands are big enough to hold the plastic mug like a little teacup. Her hands are pretty.)

‘Too bitter?’ she says with a laugh in her throat.

‘It’s good quality, don’t get me wrong,’ she says with a noise one might make after drinking soju. 

‘But?’

‘But it’s not for me. No offence.’

Seungwan only laughs softly, and Sooyoung’s face loses its tension. ‘That’s fair. I don’t like it very much either. I don’t like any coffee.’

‘Me neither.’

Seungwan’s hands still around the portafilter. ‘You?’ she says, face bewildered. ‘You’re kidding, right?’

‘No,’ Sooyoung says, tilting her head to the side like a little puppy. ‘Why would I be?’

‘You come and order, like, two large fancy coffees every single night.’

‘So?’

‘So most people who don’t like coffee tend not to drink it at all, why buy two cups of something you don’t like? Do you need caffeine that badly?’

‘Yes, actually,’ she says with a shrug. ‘Especially nowadays. With all the promotions I barely get an hour of sleep a night.’

‘Seriously? And you look like that?’

‘Like what?’ she asks. Her ears are starting to redden at their tips. Seungwan’s are too, now that it’s hit her that she’s said something stupid again.

‘Nothing. How come you have all this free time today?’

‘I had an outdoor photoshoot for my shampoo sponsorship, but it got cancelled because of the rain.’

‘That’s considerate of them, at least.’

‘No, it was because of the cameras,’ she says with another one of those laughs.

‘Oh.’ How do you even reply to that? “Sorry your boss sucks and your colleagues constantly belittle you”? ‘So do you want to try to make an iced coffee by yourself?’

Sooyoung tamps more gently this time. Seungwan makes sure of that, standing just behind her, watching cautiously to make sure nothing gets broken and nobody gets hurt.

She lifts the filter back up to the group head and fiddles with it to attach it. Seungwan reaches out to help, but Sooyoung figures it out by herself.

(In the meantime, she discovers that Sooyoung’s skin is unbelievably soft as their hands brush against each other. She flinches away.)

‘Then I press this?’

‘Uh-huh.’ Seungwan nods. 

‘And then?’

‘Then,’ Seungwan begins, pouring milk from the mini-fridge under the counter into a pitcher, ‘you steam the milk.’

Seungwan submerges the tip of the steamer into the milk for Sooyoung but asks her to press the button for her anyway, just so she is included. She moves the pitcher away once the steamer stops making noise. Sooyoung pours it over a see-through plastic cup full of ice and espresso but stops halfway.

‘By the way, can you teach me how to make those latte art things you put on the coffee shop's Instagram?'

'You follow our Instagram?'

'Yeah,' she says brightly. 'I think it's really cool.'

'Oh,' Seungwan says, unable to fight the beam that makes its way to her face, 'So, first, you fill it up almost all the way.'

Sooyoung does so.

‘No, a bit more.’

‘Like this?’

‘More.’

She hesitates. 

Seungwan places her hand over Sooyoung’s larger one on the handle of the pitcher. Everything inside her is screaming. She fills the cup up halfway. Then she makes two small motions with Sooyoung’s hand in the shape of a heart or something mostly resembling a heart because her hands are shaking so bad.

‘There,’ she says with a nervous laugh, taking her hands away like Sooyoung is the coffee machine, burning hot. Wait, that sounds kind of wrong.

And true enough, Sooyoung is turning red again.

‘Thanks,’ she says in a tiny voice. She takes out her phone and snaps a few pictures. Three, to be exact.

‘For your Instagram?’ Seungwan asks.

Sooyoung looks at her with an embarrassed look on her face. 'Yeah.'

Her most recent post, Seungwan knows somehow, is a photo of her in a white blouse and slacks sat on a stool, hair and makeup messed up, leaning forward so seductively. 

Seungwan, embarrassed by proxy, changes the subject. 'Is the coffee okay?'

She takes a sip, then her eyes go wide. ‘Wow,’ she says. ‘Why have I never ordered this before?’

‘Not sweet enough?’

‘No, it’s perfect.’

‘I guess you just like to talk to me then.’

She blinks at Seungwan. Then Seungwan laughs, and she smiles too, gently. ‘Yeah,’ she says, softly, almost endeared.

\---

Seungwan cleans just about every inch of the tables in the coffee shop that night.

It’s not that she’s avoiding Sooyoung. Not at all. She just feels awkward. Plus, she’s starting to think Sooyoung is more than insanely pretty and that’s dangerous. 

They’re playing twenty questions for some reason, even though Sooyoung has asked ten times that already.

Apparently, she used to play this with her younger sisters when they didn’t want to sleep.

‘You have siblings?’ Seungwan had asked.

‘That counts as one of your questions, you know,’ Sooyoung replied as if Seungwan, though two years older, was one of her aforementioned annoying younger siblings. ‘I have two sisters. Jiyoung and Minji. Do you have any?’

‘I have an older sister back home in Canada.’

‘Wait, you’re from Canada?’

They’ve stopped counting, but they’re probably on their thirtieth question by now.

‘So,’ Sooyoung begins from behind the cash where she watches both the TV and Seungwan, asking every now and then if she needs help, ‘who makes all these bakeries? You or Seulgi?’

Seungwan scoffs. ‘Have you ever met Seulgi? She can barely even boil an egg.’

‘Really?’ she says with furrowed brows. ‘Do you buy them ready-made?’

‘No,’ Seungwan says as if it’s the biggest insult she’s received in her twenty-six years of life. 'I make them every single morning at the end of my shift.'

Really?’ she repeats.

‘Why is that so hard to believe?’ 

Sooyoung shrugs. ‘You just look like you can’t cook.’

‘Appreciated. My turn. How come you don’t just go home? It stopped raining long ago.'

She frowns. Seungwan thinks she sees Sooyoung look askance like that’s a touchy question somehow, but maybe that’s because of all the distance she’s put between them. ‘I’ll fall asleep at home,’ she replies. ‘And I can’t ruin my makeup.’

‘Is that it?’

‘That’s it.’

'Right.'

A silence. Seungwan half expects Sooyoung to jump up and say, “This was all an elaborate Plan B in case you rejected me earlier, next question!”

'Is this about before?' Sooyoung asks. She's unbelievably bold.

'No. Nevermind. Next question.'

‘My turn,’ is what she says. ‘Are you enjoying my company?’

‘Huh?’

‘Are you enjoying spending time with me tonight?’

‘I mean,’ Seungwan begins, but she’s not even sure what she means. ‘It’s nice. Not to be alone for ten hours like usual.’

It’s true. Maybe Seungwan enjoys talking to real people and not the tools she works with or whoever happens to be on the TV at the moment. But it’s not the same as before. Sooyoung is not Yerim or Seulgi or Joohyun, but somehow that doesn’t feel as bitter as she thought it might.

‘But?’

‘Nothing. That’s all.’

‘Are you sure?’

Seungwan hesitates. This would be the first time she’s told anyone the way she feels. Normally, she bakes her feelings into macarons instead. Why doesn’t she tell her friends? She doesn’t know. She thinks they would understand, or at least they’d try to. She doesn’t know.

‘I just feel kind of weird,’ she admits. ‘And I never said I was sorry.’

‘That’s… not a big deal. I’m over it, honestly. But why do you feel weird? Do I make you uncomfortable?’

‘No. No, not at all. It’s just-’ She puts down the bottle of surface cleaner a bit harder than she needs to. ‘Before, I’d spend this time with Seulgi, and we’d complain but at least we were together. And then Yerim, uh, my other part-timer, would come in the mornings and we’d all be exhausted and stuff but we were okay because we had each other, you know?’ Seungwan sighs.

‘You still have each other, don’t you?’

‘I guess. I don’t know. Seulgi’s been dating Joohyun and Yerim has Yuleum now, and I’m happy for them, but it feels like everyone’s moving on without me. Yerim told me the other day she’s applied to some office jobs and I said I was proud and everything but I felt like my heart broke there and then. Sorry, I’m dramatic.’

‘Don’t apologise. And you’re not dramatic,’ are the first two things Sooyoung says. She’s looking Seungwan with a wrinkle in between her eyebrows like she can feel Seungwan’s pain from across the room by diffusion, her eyes kind but not pitiful. 'I read before that it's in our nature to fear change. Before, if you were anxious about something, it kept you alive. There'd be less chance something or someone might sneak up on you. Being uncomfortable in a situation like yours is normal.'

'I just wish I could be like them.'

'I know, but you're not. You aren't at the same pace. That's like hating Australia for being in summer when we're in winter.' They laugh a little. 'I'm not sure what I can say to help you, but... keep in mind that these days, we're built to change. You know? It seems hard. It will always seem hard. But change is what we've been made for. If you don't ever change, how can you grow as a person? I mean, have you been the same person since you were a kid?'

Wow. Who knew Joy could be such a philosopher?

Seungwan thinks for a second then. Has she grown at all since she was ten? Well, maybe not in height. But she’s recognized that sometimes she makes jokes that go too far. She has stopped obsessing over Ancient Egypt. She has emigrated to a whole other country. Does that count for something?

‘Thanks,’ Seungwan says slowly. ‘Thank you. Seriously. I’ll keep it in mind.’

‘I’m sorry I can’t say much more to help you.’

‘No, you did. Honestly, it's nice just to have someone to talk to.' Seungwan picks up the cloth she is using and the spray bottle and walks over to the counter where Sooyoung is sat. ‘You’re kind of different than I thought.’

'I get that a lot,' she says with a small laugh. 'Good different?'

‘Definitely. No offence, but watching your music videos and stuff, I always pictured you as kind of an airhead obsessed with makeup and fashion and herself and little else. But you're not.'

'What if I am?' she asks. 'Does that make me less of a person?'

Seungwan thinks for a second. 'No,' she decides. 'Of course not.'

'I still do like makeup and fashion and myself, but not only that. You know?'

'I'm sorry,' Seungwan says slowly.

'It's okay. I've heard worse. At least you even care, to be honest. Everybody on the internet who likes to put me down for fun surely doesn't.'

'Why do they make comments like those?' Seungwan asks.

'I don't know,' she shrugs, leaning on the countertop, her chin resting in her hand. 'I guess it's a self-esteem thing. Honestly, it gets me down, but I just try not to read them. Why should my self-worth depend on some lonely bully’s opinion of me?’ She smooths down her hair, which she probably shouldn’t, judging by how precisely it’s curled. ‘I know who I am and what I’m doing. That’s what’s important.’

‘That’s good, to think like that.’

‘I guess. I’ve had a really hard time for years now. People like to pick apart every single thing I do. Maybe that’s why I never started dating too. They’d only pick the person I choose to little pieces. But the more scandals I have, the more I realize I deserve to have a regular twenty-something experience.’

Seungwan simply nods slowly. How is it that Sooyoung, so young still, is so mature? She thinks being harassed and sexualized and bullied and mobbed may have something to do with that.

‘You're still a kid,’ she mumbles.

‘Excuse me?’

‘Sorry!’ she exclaims. ‘That came out wrong. I mean, you debuted young. You deserve the chance to be a kid without scrutiny or criticism.’

‘That’s what I think,’ she says with a small, sad smile. ‘Maybe that’s why I read so many books. I always feel like I’ve missed my whole life. I’m trying to make up for it.'

‘Good,’ Seungwan says. ‘I hope I could help with that.’

‘You did,’ she says. ‘A lot.’

‘Well, I’m glad we could bond over our mutual lack of life. Even if mine is mostly by choice.’

‘You should talk to your friends about that.’

‘I want to try,’ Seungwan says.

‘How about this, let’s both promise to try and live for ourselves.’

She holds out one hand, pinkie finger extended. Seungwan gives her an odd look.

‘This way,’ Sooyoung begins, ‘you can hold someone accountable. You might not feel as alone in this. And know that I will come back here and check every single day.’

‘Is that a threat?’

‘Oh, one-hundred percent. C’mon, promise me.’

So Seungwan takes out her little finger and Sooyoung entwines it around her own.

‘This is soul-bound, you know,’ she says. ‘If you break this promise, we both die.’

‘Oh boy. I’ll try my hardest. We could always have a joint funeral.’

And Sooyoung smiles in a way that isn’t sad or just polite. Her whole face seems to light up in pure ecstasy. Her cheeks flush slightly, her eyes shining, her skin radiant, and if Seungwan didn’t realize Sooyoung’s charms before she certainly would have now. 

Sooyoung is charming, gorgeous, smart, funny, mature, talented, but she’s real. She’s not the figment of someone’s imagination. She’s a breathing person in front of Seungwan. It’s a difficult feeling to explain, but seeing someone likes Sooyoung outside of the stage lights and with imperfect stage makeup and hair starting to frizz feels so private and genuine like this girl is letting you in on a secret. It feels different, simply put, but it’s a change Seungwan somehow finds herself welcoming.

‘Oh?’ It’s Sooyoung who breaks away first. 

‘What?’

‘It’s my song.’ She points to the TV. The music video for her latest mini-album is playing on the screen to the side of the room, the sound breaking through the little coffee shop.

‘Oh.’ Why is Seungwan blushing right now? ‘Seulgi must have added it to the queue.’

‘Seulgi has taste.’ She smiles, leaning on the counter and watching the opening scene with a gummy smile. It’s some sort of Wild West-style bar, Sooyoung strutting through the tables in a long red dress with a low-cut neckline. Seungwan looks away. ‘She asked for my autograph earlier.’

‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Which body part did she ask you to sign?’

‘Just her ankle,’ she says with a chuckle. 

Seungwan breathes out a breath of relief but shame anyway. ‘Well, it could have been worse.’

‘If Joohyun wasn’t there?’

‘What? Nah. Joohyun wouldn’t mind. They trust each other with their lives.’ She leans on the counter, next to Sooyoung. ‘It’s admirable actually.’

Looking up at the TV, the long red dress has now reformed into a short, body-tight number embellished in gold, complete with red kitten heels. So that’s what Sooyoung has on under that hoodie. Seungwan’s face grows impossibly warmer with just the thought of it. 

It’s a Latin pop song, light and upbeat but sexy in a way that Seungwan won’t think about right now, complete with a few obligatory Spanish phrases rasped in a voice Seungwan has never heard Sooyoung make, complete with Sooyoung’s iconic vocal colour, sweet but somehow utterly adult.

‘What’s this called again?’ she asks, just to shift her attention.

‘La Rouge,’ Sooyoung replies without taking her eyes off the screen. ‘Why? Do you like the song?’

‘It’s nice.’ Her voice is tiny, especially when Sooyoung turns to look at her with a smug smile on her face.

‘Nice?’ she repeats, a laugh in her throat.

‘I mean. It’s pretty. You’re pretty. The song is nice too. Not nice, I mean good.’ She slaps her palm against her forehead while Sooyoung watches amusedly. ‘I’m gonna be quiet now.’

‘You don’t want me to show you the choreography, do you?’

‘Huh?’

Sooyoung looks away. ‘You’d be the first to see it. You could help me prevent another scandal if the choreo they gave me is too racy. Also, I’m kind of bored.’

‘Sure,’ Seungwan says breathlessly. ‘Go ahead.’

‘Could you, uh, lock the door? I’m not supposed to let anyone see.’

Seungwan gives an over-enthusiastic of course and rushes to the front door, locking it twice, and turning the sign to closed. When she turns back around, she feels her breath hitch in her throat.

Sooyoung is taking off the hoodie, to reveal that same red outfit from the music video. Suddenly, a lot of bare leg and exposed chest is on display, and Seungwan wonders if she’s even allowed to look. 

‘I’m gonna start,’ Sooyoung calls kind of awkwardly. Seungwan breaks out of her daze and moves forward to sit at one of the tables by the counter. She gestures for Sooyoung to go ahead. She’s as red as her dress. Seungwan can’t even feel the heat anymore.

Sooyoung starts from the prechorus, leaning against the counter. She does two sinful rolls of the hip to the beat coming from the TV. Even if she’s still kind of red, she’s confident. She’s still the Joy that everyone knows, but she’s Sooyoung too, looking down at Seungwan with a sultry expression, eyes hooded. That’s star quality.

The chorus comes about, starting with one arm raised as if holding a cup.

‘A glass of wine is meant to go here,’ she announces. ‘It’s a prop.’

‘Oh.’

She sways to the music with two or three body waves one after the other, ending with her standing to the side, perhaps the worst of all. Maybe it’s not all that racy in reality. Maybe Seungwan just likes to overreact.

There are a few more insanely precise hand and hip movements before Sooyoung does that same catwalk that’s in the music video to around the counter. She lifts herself onto it, shuffles a bit to get closer.

There are two long, toned legs right in front of Seungwan, and she is desperate not to look. She keeps her eyes trained not on Sooyoung’s face, but the wispy baby hairs at the start of her hairline.

She’s singing now too, somehow even more erotic than the recording. She twists her body, one leg bent over the other as she does so. Smoothly as a dancer as qualified as she is would. Seungwan decides she definitely does not understand those claims of Park Sooyoung having no stage presence.

Then she lifts the leg from underneath high up in the air, pushing her whole body off the countertop, and stretching it towards Seungwan. She pushes off the counter. Seungwan feels devastated.

The next movement is probably meant to be like a wave of arms, but Sooyoung is alone. The effect is not lost. 

Then the dance break. Oh god.

Seungwan doesn’t know how to describe it. Sooyoung moves in a way that’s vulgar but refreshing but inviting but intimidating all at once. Like she’s moving just for the viewer. Is it always like that, or is Seungwan special?

She’s more than hot. Park Sooyoung seems to be a goddess on Earth, complete with long legs and toned arms and curves in all the right places.

The ending pose stands to prove that, one hand on her hip and the other in the air. She stands there, breathless, chest rising and falling, and that sultry expression seems to disappear.

‘What did you think?’ she gasps out.

And Seungwan doesn’t know what to say. She opens her mouth, and nothing comes out, so she closes it just as quickly and claps for Sooyoung instead.

‘That good, huh?’ she chuckles. ‘It’s not too much, right? I could always change it on-stage.’

‘No, it’s not too much. It’s classy, but…’

Sooyoung blinks, waiting for her to continue. ‘But sexy?’

‘Yeah. Very,’ Seungwan says quietly.

‘Good.’ Her voice is growing small too.

Silence falls in the coffee shop. They’re just staring at each other as the next song comes on. Seungwan can’t even hear it anymore.

She wonders how many beautiful women have danced in her shop. Do any of them compare to Sooyoung? Does anyone in this world compare?

She isn't talking about in terms of beauty or talent or anything like that. Just in being. Is there anyone as complex as Sooyoung is? As thoughtful? As perfectly imperfect?

Seungwan doesn’t know what this feeling is. Can she be expected to, when the only person who has ever brought it out in her was uninterested? All she knows is that she feels some type of way about the way Sooyoung’s lips are parted as she breathes and the beads of sweat that are forming on her upper lip.

So what exactly is it that motivates her to push herself to her feet, and to walk up to Sooyoung, to take Sooyoung’s hand in hers, the other curling around Sooyoung’s neck as she presses a soft kiss to her lips?

Sooyoung is stiff at first, but she reciprocates. Whatever lip tint she’s wearing tastes like chemicals and sweat and sugary iced coffee.

‘What was that?’ she asks when they separate.

‘I don’t know. I’m sorry. I should have asked.’

‘Don’t worry.’ Sooyoung holds onto Seungwan’s hand when she tries to let go. ‘I liked it.’

‘No, don’t do that.’

‘Do what?’

‘Confuse me. Everything is happening all at once. First I said no to you, and now? Don’t you feel used?’

Sooyoung tilts her head to one side. ‘Not really.’

‘Well, then, was this what you were trying to do? To seduce me?’

‘No!’ she says quickly. ‘Of course not! What do you take me for? What are you even talking about?’

‘Then what is this, Sooyoung?’

‘I like spending time with you! Okay? For the first time in a long time, I’ve felt normal tonight. I don’t expect anything from you,’ she insists, shaking her head. They're so close that Seungwan feels it more than she sees it. ‘I’m not doing this to get in your pants or anything like that, and I hoped you’d think better of me than that.'

Seungwan kind of hates herself sometimes.

‘No, of course I do.’

‘Do you? Or do you think I’m leaving a trail of broken hearts behind me like everyone else thinks?’

‘I don’t think that at all. Maybe I did before, but not now.’

Sooyoung continues frowning as she looks away from Seungwan. ‘Seungwan, I want to believe you didn't kiss me because I'm a celebrity. I don't know about you, but I want to know this is something more.'

'Can I prove it to you?'

'No. Maybe.'

‘Another iced coffee?’

‘No,’ she says slowly. ‘Can we try this again instead? If you want to.'

‘Try what?’ Then the realization hits Seungwan. ‘Oh. You’re asking if you can kiss me.’

‘Yeah.’

Seungwan can’t do much else but nod, quickly and way too vigorously. 

Sooyoung comes very close, but she doesn’t do much more. For a second, all Seungwan can feel is the softness of Sooyoung’s breath against her skin, that taste of coffee still lingering, but maybe it isn’t so disgusting. Maybe she’d like to taste more of it.

So she pushes forward impatiently, closing the distance between them with another kiss.

This time, it feels kind of electric, now that they're expecting it but at the same time not. Heavy.

Sooyoung doesn't have a lot of experience, that much is obvious. Whatever intuition she's relying on seems to know what it's doing though, judging by the way her hands know to snake around Seungwan's waist and her teeth know how to bite down gently on Seungwan's lower lip.

'I thought you had never had a partner before,' Sooyoung speaks against her lips.

'I haven't.'

'But you're so good at this.'

Seungwan grins a little and pulls Sooyoung's chin back to meet her lips hungrily. Like Sooyoung is one of those bakeries Seungwan's diet relies on. 

It's then she realizes that she's pinning Sooyoung against the counter, so much that she's practically sat on the surface, those long legs wrapping around Seungwan's torso.

They stay like that for longer than Seungwan can count. It could be one second or a thousand seconds. For the first time in years, nothing feels wrong. Seungwan doesn't even consider the fact that she is different, so different, than she used to be. It's nice to not have to worry. It'd be nice to be with Sooyoung even longer.

'Do you want to go upstairs?'

'What's upstairs?' Sooyoung breathes in reply.

'I live upstairs.'

'Oh,' she says. 'I don't know.'

'Are you sure?'

'I think so. I'm sorry. I shouldn't mess my hair up anyway.'

'No, don't be.' Seungwan moves closer, so close that the space between their bodies has ceased to exist. 'This is fine for now. Right?'

In reply, Sooyoung presses her lips to Seungwan's. It's a kiss that feels like a delicately sweet promise. It's as if Sooyoung swears that they'll own their lives one day.

Seungwan wonders if this might be the start of that.

Does she want it to be the end?

No, she doesn't. Sooyoung is different. She's real. She's much more than the cardboard cutout beauty she's sold for.

But the minute she detaches and opens her mouth to say so, Sooyoung staring at her curiously as she wipes the lip tint off her chin, there's the sound of a key in the door. They jump apart.

In comes the legend herself. Kim Yerim. Early for her shift for the first time in weeks. Today of all days.

'Oh. Hey,' she says slowly, looking up and down at Sooyoung with squinted eyes. 'Aren't you Joy?'

'No,' she says immediately.

'Oh my god, you were serious about her coming in, won't you?' she laughs to Seungwan, whose face feels hot suddenly. 

'What?' Sooyoung asks, looking at Seungwan. 'You knew?'

'She was certain it was you. I didn't believe her. don't worry, I won't tell anyone. You have something here.' She points to her left cheek. Sooyoung rubs at it furiously. 'Is that lip tint?'

Then she turns to Seungwan slowly, eyes wide like she's made the discovery of the year. 'You have some too. That's funny.'

'Please shut up.'

'Were you two kissing?' she fake gasps. 'On-shift?'

'No, we weren't,' Seungwan says with as much authority as she can muster. It's not an awful lot.

'You were. Seungwan, you're breaking Seulgi's heart, kissing her biggest celebrity crush.'

'I am not! I wasn't doing anything wrong! Why don't you do something instead of picking on us?'

'Us?' she says with a cackle. Yerim plays the mischievous younger sibling part very well. Even if it's all an act, it doesn't stop Seungwan from wanting to hit her sometimes.

She pulls Sooyoung, who looks paralyzed with fear, off to the side by her arm.

'Don't worry about her,' she says. 'She really won't tell a soul. She means it.'

'Oh. Oh, good.' 

'What's wrong?'

She lifts her hand to gesture to the window, outside of which a black mini-van is parked. 'That's my manager,' she says in a tiny voice.

'Oh, him?' Yerim asks as she wraps her apron around her waist. 'He's been there a while. I saw him while I was walking down the top of the hill.'

'Oh my god,' Sooyoung mutters, bringing her hands up to her temples. 'I'm done for. That's it. He's going to murder me.'

'Why? What did you do?' she asks innocently.

'I told him I'd meet with my vocal teacher at the studio for the rest of the night,' she says with an audible wince.

The little bell by the door rings again, barely audible by the shouts of a little man in a white shirt and khakis walking over to them with the fierce stride of somebody at least a metre taller than he is.

'Park Sooyoung!' his voice echoes throughout the coffee shop. 

She swears under her breath, then puts on her most polite smile. ‘Hi, Hosik---’

‘Don’t _hi Hosik_ me! Have you been here all night? Are you insane? What if someone saw you?’ 

He’s in front of them now, leaning forward as he yells, red in the face with his arm spread wide. He doesn’t pay attention to Yerim or Seungwan. He doesn’t even seem to notice them.

‘I don’t care what you do, but you have to realize there are eyes everywhere! How long are you going to act like a child?’

‘I am a child,’ Sooyoung refutes.

‘You’re twenty-something. Grow up.’

She balls her fists up like she wants to say something but she can’t. Seungwan wonders if this is one of those moments that Sooyoung’s life feels wrong, out of control. The only fifty-year-old going on sixty that is meant to boss someone her age is her mother. So why doesn’t she say something? Why doesn’t she resist?

‘It was my fault,’ Seungwan finds herself saying when the manager grabs Sooyoung by her arm and pulls her forward. ‘It was my idea.’

It’s like he doesn’t even hear it at first. Then he turns slowly, looking at Seungwan from the coffee stains on her shoes to the lip tint smeared onto her face. ‘Who are you?’ he asks likes it's an insult and not a question.

‘Son Seungwan. I own this coffee shop. Please don’t blame Sooyou---Joy for my mistakes.’

He lets her go to gape at Seungwan in a way a middle-class woman in her fifties might. Like she’s a bug that has dared to fly into his hair and now she must be crushed.

‘Don’t get involved,’ he says slowly. ‘I’ll believe you because this girl,’ he gestures to Sooyoung so aggressively that he hits her arm by accident, 'seems to have a head full of makeup. But don’t let it happen again.’ 

He leans in closer, pointing one fat sausage finger at Seungwan. ‘Pull something like that one more time, and you can expect a lawsuit in the mail.’

And just like that, with a dramatic spin on the tip of his toes, he’s out of the doors and onto the street. Sooyoung turns back with an apologetic smile.

‘Sorry,’ she says. ‘I’ll see you.’

‘Yeah.’ Why does this feel like an ending to something that never really started? ‘See you.’

She watches Park Sooyoung leave the coffee shop as she zips the hoodie back up again, running as fast as she can in those little kitten heels, the iced coffee she was drinking before still in her hands. Seungwan thinks Sooyoung takes a little piece of her heart as she leaves, trapped inside that iced coffee.

‘So,’ Yerim breaks the deathly silence with a gentle smile, ‘do you want some boba to cheer you up?’ 

Seungwan feels a headache coming on.

\---

Sooyoung doesn’t get why she can’t have love and work. Why does everything have to be one or the other? Why can’t she have life and a career? Why can’t she be Sooyoung and Joy? What’s the point in sacrificing or lying?

‘You must have lost your mind,’ Hosik, surprisingly one of the nicer managers she’s had, says for the thirtieth time that day as he parks the company van outside whichever recording it is today. ‘Not that you had one, to begin with.’

Sooyoung managed to fix her lip tint and her foundation, at least. Nobody has to know. At the same time, she wants people to know. She wants people who do nothing but gossip on the internet to know she is a person too. Is that so wrong?

‘I do,’ she replies simply because the argument isn’t worth it but she prides herself on being genuine.

‘Where?’ he laughs smugly. ‘Under all that hair? What are you calling that again? Lion hair?’ Another laugh, which is less about humour and more about Hosik looking down on her in all ways except literally.

Sooyoung opens the door and gets out by herself even though she’s not supposed to. There are fans stood outside the building who cheer and hold up little signs the moment they see her. She can’t help but smile a little. Maybe other artists lie about truly loving their fans, but not Sooyoung. Out of everyone in the world, they are the only people who’ve been there since she debuted and got hated on for having baby fat until she was mobbed at the airport by paparazzi and sasaengs and until websites whose names aren’t familiar began to trend articles about that one spot of sweat on her clothes just a few days ago. She feels alone, sometimes, obviously, but at least there’s someone in the world who cares.

She waves to them and gives little bows even though Hosik tells her to keep moving. What’s the harm in appreciating someone who has built your whole career?

From the moment she enters the building, she is rushed straight backstage. She’s going on second today, so they could afford to arrive a little later. Especially since there’s nobody to do her makeup or hair. Sooyoung can’t remember the last time she entered a waiting room. See, everything has its perks.

Some rookie boy group is playing on stage. Sooyoung doesn’t recognize them, which makes her feel a little bit guilty. She knows what it’s like to be completely unknown. Maybe even nowadays.

Then the boys are waving goodbye and she is being pushed onstage. A smile comes to her face naturally as she bows to the crowd. She doesn’t fail to notice that more than half of those fans are hers. They don’t have an official name yet, but they like to call themselves Joyfuls. Similarly, they don’t have an official lightstick, so they wave feather dusters instead. They’re a strange lot, but Sooyoung loves them. Even the other fans seem to be interested. 

‘Hello,’ she speaks into the microphone they had attached to her earlier as she bows. It’s not the best quality. ‘I’m Joy. Nice to meet you. Please enjoy my new single, La Rouge!’ She waves to the fans in the front rows before walking back to the stage where a wooden table now stands and taking her starting position leaning against it among the backup dancers dressed in black dresses.

There are a few chords played on acoustic guitar. The fans go wild. Sooyoung can hear it even through her in-ear. This is the first time they’ve seen this performance, but somehow they know the fanchant already. Sooyoung’s friendly smile disappears, and the fierce-but-smug expression she’s known for comes on.

The first few steps are simple. Look sexy, get out some perfect adlibs while the backup dancers do their thing.

Then she has to walk seductively, swaying her hips to the front of the stage. Three poses to the beat and then the real singing begins.

Singing, to Sooyoung, was a chore once upon a time. When she didn’t have confidence, when she let people’s comments get to her. But now, whatever tension she can’t seem to let go of through communication, she lets go of through singing.

She’s been thinking of Coffee Shop Girl a lot while she sings these days. Son Seungwan. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. God, she’s even thinking of her on stage.

Sooyoung’s dating endeavours consist of several crushes which, if confessed at all, were never reciprocated, or were reciprocated for all the wrong reasons. Mostly, it was crushes on older trainees at SN Entertainment who liked to look after her but saw her as a younger sibling. She’s had male idols ask for her number, but they don’t make her feel anything, so what’s the point? 

Son Seungwan makes her feel. She makes her feel from the tip of her toes to the end of her hair. She makes her feel emotions she didn’t know could exist for people you don’t know. 

There’s just something about her. She’s so normal, but she’s unique anyway. Sooyoung wonders how someone can be like that. So perfect but so not. Speaking to Seungwan, even for five minutes, makes Sooyoung feel normal too, and that’s all she has wanted since she became a trainee.

On-stage, Sooyoung crouches down to the floor, spinning around so she’s laying on her stomach, kicking her legs back and forth. The fans scream a bit louder. Sooyoung winks and smirks at the camera, one finger placed delicately in her mouth. She wonders if Seungwan is watching. She kind of hopes she is.

_This is for you, Son Seungwan._

She rolls back on her ankles with a hair flip, her arms extended. The dancers pull her up by her arms as they dance the prechorus. Then more backup dancers come out, carrying plastic glasses painted red, resembling red wine. One of them hands a glass to Sooyoung.

_I trust you, Seungwan, but I want to know if you're like everyone else underneath that apron._

The chorus now. Sooyoung doesn’t sing the chorus. They make their artists lipsync to the choruses, but Sooyoung would rather sing it live. She can, so why don’t they let her?

_I’m worried. I told myself that day that I would give up on you, for my own good. I'd find a new coffee shop. But now, how can I do that? How can I ever feel normal again if you're not there?_

And now. The killing part. 

Sooyoung gives the crowd a little grin, tucking her hair behind her ear before she makes her way back to the table and pulls herself on top of it.

_I want you, Son Seungwan. I know you might not want me back. But I’m still childish. I’m still hoping._

She sings the lines how she’s supposed to, but she already knows they come out heartlessly. She twists her legs into position, one under the other.

_Did you say I was different? Does that mean you might think of me differently? I need that. I need that so bad._

She lifts her leg and reaches out. The crowd goes crazy.

She steps forward. Her other leg won’t move. The kitten heel is stuck on a ridge in the wood underneath her.

When her foot comes down without the rest of her body, the heel doesn’t dislodge. She falls face-first to the floor, her other foot twisting so far she thinks she hears something break. She lets out a noise that echoes over the speakers.

She has to get up. She has to continue.

When she tries to stand, pain shoots up her leg and she falls back down. It’s then she realizes that there is something leaking out of her nose. She wipes her upper lip, and her hand comes back blood-red.

The dancers continue without her for the sake of professionalism, but she can hear the fans yelling to cut the music. It does cut, eventually, and the first aid people come to get her.

_Do you see what you’re doing to me?_

\---

A twisted ankle. That’s what the hospital says.

‘As for your nose, well, you’re lucky you didn’t break it.’

She’s not quite sure what that’s supposed to mean. It definitely feels broken.

‘She’s a fighter, our Joy,’ says Hosik, as if he didn’t yell at her for being so absent-minded just twenty minutes ago.

They’re back in the van a few minutes later.

‘Don’t even try to walk when you get home. Call your mother if you have to, tell her to bring you anything you need and keep it by your bed. We need you back on stage as soon as possible.’

‘My mother lives in Jeju,’ she deadpans in a nasal voice because there are two little rolls of tissue paper up her nostrils.

‘Well, pay for her flight.’

The one good thing SN Entertainment does is pay Sooyoung well. Okay, not that well, but better than most idols. She has that going for her at least.

‘Could you drop me off outside my coffee shop?’

‘After yesterday? No.’

‘Please,’ she practically grovels.

‘No. You need to rest.’

‘I’m begging you. I need caffeine, I haven’t slept in a day.’

He glares at her in the windshield mirror. ‘You knew you wouldn’t sleep much when you became an idol. You knew what you were getting into. Besides, coffee isn’t good for your voice.’

One thing you have to know about Hosik: he might be mean, but he’s not evil. His meanness generally comes from a place of worry, which is kind of fucked up, but at least it makes it easy for Sooyoung to get her way in such a sucky company.

Suddenly the two dramas she's acted in and the feelings she has saved for her vocal lessons come in handy.

‘It’s just hard,’ she says, voice falsely thick. ‘I know it’s dumb, but that coffee shop gives me hope.’

‘Don’t start.’

‘You know I don’t have many friends.’

‘Do you really think I’m going to fall for this again?’

‘No,’ she whimpers. ‘I know you’re not dumb. Let’s just keep going.’

‘Good,’ he says definitely. They sit there for maybe a minute in complete silence, but Sooyoung can feel the way he's trying to convince himself to do what he should do. She and Hosik are similar in that sense. Neither of them does all that they should.

Then he sighs and Sooyoung tips to one side of the van as he pulls over suddenly. He stops with his head on the steering wheel.

‘Go,’ is all he says.

‘Huh?’

‘We’re outside your coffee shop. Don’t be more than twenty minutes.’

‘Oh.’ Sooyoung blinks once and then twice. ‘Oh. Thanks,’ she says as she pulls her mask up to her face and throws open the van door and climbs out as gently as possible, as excited as she is.

‘You’re ageing me, you know that?’ 

She throws the door open more aggressively than she needs to. The people inside jump at the sound of the little bell above the door. Namely, Seungwan jumps up from where she’s leaning on the counter. That’s all Sooyoung notices.

‘Why are you here?’ is the first thing she asks, her eyebrows furrowed in concern. For some stupid reason, Sooyoung is smiling at her.

‘Can I have a large iced coffee?’ she asks Seungwan, who simply blinks at her like she has no idea what that is.

‘What?’ she asks with a chuckle. ‘Do I get to make it myself again?’

‘Sooyoung, why are you here?’

‘Is this about last night?’ she asks in a small voice. Deep down, she thinks she should have known to expect something like this. As if Seungwan would just open her arms after two or three kisses.

Seungwan goes kind of red. Maybe because Yerim is stood behind her, Sooyoung is only noticing now. She waves to Yerim, who waves back with an odd expression on her face.

‘No,’ Seungwan says. 

‘Oh. Then what?’

‘We saw your accident on Twitter,’ Yerim says, joining Seungwan at the counter. ‘It looked really bad.’

‘It was,’ Sooyoung says with a small laugh to cut through the tension. Seungwan gives her a look.

‘Should you be walking?’ she asks.

‘Yes. It’s just a twisted ankle. No big deal.’

‘And your nose?’

‘Nothing. Just a nosebleed.’

She exhales slowly, standing up straighter. ‘I think you should rest, Sooyoung. Sit down or something.’

‘I’m fine.’

Sooyoung wants to say it. _I fell because I was thinking about you all day. I guess I fell for you?_ No, that’s dumb.

‘I was just wondering...'

'Yes?'

This is suddenly reminiscent of last night. Will Sooyoung be rejected again? Yes, she promised Seungwan she’d live the life she wants to live, but she likes Seungwan. She likes Joohyun and Seulgi and Yerim and this coffee shop. Does she want to risk all that feeling of normality for one chance at love?

‘Could I get some of those macarons as well?’

‘The pink ones?’

‘Yes. Six, please. And an iced coffee.’

Sooyoung, as bold as she is, is not completely blunt all the time. Genuinity is an important factor of any relationship, but being sensitive is essential too.

As Seungwan is packing the macarons (not that Sooyoung is looking or anything), she sniffles at least five times.

‘Are you sick?’ she asks her, genuinely concerned.

‘Oh my god, you two are like an old married couple. Just admit you care about each other and go,’ comes Yerim’s voice from by the espresso machine.

‘Yerim, go clean the toilets.’

‘What? But it’s Seulgi’s turn!’

‘Seulgi did them when you called in sick, and I did them yesterday, so it’s your turn. Go.’

Yerim picks up the surface cleaner from the side of the counter and leaves muttering something under her breath about an office job.

‘Sorry,’ Seungwan says with a little smile. ‘I started feeling kind of under the weather last night. It started with a headache. I think it’s stress.’

‘Why don’t you go home?’

‘My shift doesn’t end until seven.’

‘Well, make sure you rest after.'

She laughs a little. Sooyoung hasn’t heard that laugh too many times. She’d like to.

‘You’re telling _me_ to rest?’ she says as she turns around to the coffee machine and begins preparing the espresso.

‘It’s not that bad, honestly,’ she argues, but she has to keep shifting her weight onto her right foot to minimize the pain. ‘I’ll be back on the stage in a few weeks.’

‘Don’t let them force you,’ Seungwan says. ‘You promised me you’d be in control of your life, so don’t let them make you dance while you’re still hurt.’

‘I won’t,’ Sooyoung says with a definitive nod. Her heart is swelling to twice its size.

‘I hope not,’ Seungwan says as she hands Sooyoung her things. ‘Oh. It’s quarter to seven already.'

‘I’d better go. I told Hosik I’d be twenty minutes.’

‘Let’s go together then,’ Seungwan says undoing her apron like she has no idea the effect her presence has on Sooyoung. ‘I’ve been meaning to talk to you.’

‘How much do I owe you?’

‘Nothing, it’s on the house.’

‘Again?’

‘Take it as a get-well-soon present.’

Of course. That’s likely all it will ever be.

She shouts goodbye to Yerim and her little legs are hurrying to catch up to Sooyoung. They start walking towards the exit.

'About the other night.'

Sooyoung kind of doesn't want to hear it. What if it's another _I'm sorry, but (insert here)?_ At the same time, what if it's something good? Sooyoung needs that chance, however slim.

'I mentioned it at the time, but I think I might have come off as kind of a user?'

'What do you mean?'

'I rejected you one minute then kissed you the next.'

'Oh.' Sooyoung puts her hands in her pockets. 'I see why you might think that.'

'I just wanted to apologize, and I want you to know that it wasn't like that. You're nothing like how I expected you to be. At all.'

'Thank you?' Sooyoung laughs a little.

‘No, I mean it. You’re Joy, I mean. You’re Joy through and through, but you’re Sooyoung too. You know?’

‘I think I do. You’re a lot sadder than I expected.’

Seungwan reaches out to push Sooyoung playfully with a little chuckle. The touch sends shocks through her arm.

‘Thank you for listening, though,’ Seungwan says softly.

‘You too.’

Sooyoung opens the door and lets Seungwan past. She exits onto the street with the jingle of that little bell.

If now isn't the time, then it will never be the time.

'I enjoyed the time I spent with you,' Sooyoung says, picking at her cuticles in anticipation but making sure to look Seungwan in the eyes anyway.

'Really?' Seungwan asks, squinting in the light of the sun. She's prettier in sunlight. It makes her seem even softer, from the brown of her eyes to the point of her chin.

'Yes,' Sooyoung says, almost lovingly. 'Really.'

'I wanted to ask if---'

There’s the sound of a car horn. Long, drawn-out for ten seconds or more. Who could it be other than a very impatient Hosik? 

Sooyoung has never hated him more than right then.

‘I have to go.’

‘Looks like it.’

‘I’ll see you around,’ Sooyoung says. It sounds more like a confirmation than anything. _Tell me that wasn’t it. I need that more than I need any caffeinated drink you can make me._

‘See you,’ Seungwan says with a smile that’s a little bit sad and a wave.

Sooyoung watches her go before the horn honks again and she is pulled back to reality.

She has one coherent thought: She can’t let this be it. She promised Son Seungwan that much.

\---

Seungwan is confused.

That’s it. There’s not much more to it. She’s feeling some sort of way, and it’s confusing her.

She’s also kind of sick all of a sudden, so she asked Seulgi to take over her shift this evening.

_hi_sseulgi: are u ok?_

_todayis_wendy: Yes just a bit sick_

_todayis_wendy: Are you ok for tonight? Bring Joohyun if you want_

_hi_sseulgi: do u need smth_

_hi_sseulgi: some soup? i can make u sujebi_

_todayis_wendy: Im okay thank you :)_

Seungwan just kind of wants to be alone right now, somewhere where there are no distractions and no Park Sooyoung. That’s the only way she’ll be able to clear her mind. That’s the only way she can pretend like things aren’t changing all so rapidly.

(There’s another way, she realized yesterday. To talk about how she feels to Sooyoung. And she nearly did. Almost. She just finds it kind of weird. How do you explain to someone that you rejected them two days ago and are now having thoughts of what they looked like in sunlight, of what their voice sounds like, of the shape of their eyes when they smile?)

It’s nothing a homemade cup of boba and some carrot cake can’t fix. Seungwan bakes when she’s stressed. That’s part of the reason she owns a coffee shop.

So she kissed a pretty girl for the first time in years and it wasn’t one-sided and she can’t stop thinking about that, is that a reason for stress? No, but Son Seungwan doesn’t seem to work in a rational way.

To take her mind off it, she fishes out the little pink notebook she’s had since seventh grade out of the bookshop. This is where she writes all her recipes. Ones she’s come up with, ones she’s found online, some of her mother’s. Anything goes, really.

She flips through the pages until a certain colour highlighter catches her eye. It’s a recipe for pink and yellow macarons. 

If you’ve ever made macarons before, you know. They’re not the type of cookie you can throw in the oven and leave to do their own thing. They’re fickle things.

She digs through the cupboard to find a jar of almond flour, a half-full packet of powdered sugar, a little bottle of vanilla essence her mother had given her, and food colouring. 

She takes a green bowl off the drying rack, sifts nearly two cups of powdered sugar into it, as well as the almond flour and a pinch of salt. In another large bowl, she cracks two eggs and separates the whites with her hands. She used to be bad at this, but she learned. She grew. Things like that make her wonder if all change is bad. Things like Park Sooyoung.

With another pinch of salt, she plugs the electric whisk into the socket by the counter and beats the whites until they start to become solid. More change. Nobody ever feels uncomfortable if an egg is fried or if it hatches or if it becomes a meringue, do they?

She adds a teaspoon of vanilla essence and mixes again. Then, she halves the mixture into two separate bowls: pink and yellow. Using a spatula, she mixes in the almond flour mix, and unlike her, neither of the mixtures resist the change. Why can’t she be like that?

Maybe someone like Park Sooyoung is what she needs. Someone to teach her that change isn’t bad. Change is growth, right? She needs someone to help her put that in action. 

Or maybe someone to teach her that things aren't one or the other. Yerim and Seulgi can be hers but Yuleum's and Joohyun's too. Nobody is ever one thing. Seungwan shouldn't try to make them be one thing. Sooyoung could teach her that.

She reaches over to the drawer, picks out two piping bags, and begins spooning the mixture into each bag. Onto a tray covered with parchment paper, she pipes small circles of pink and yellow until there’s no space left. She puts those in the oven, sets it to one-hundred-and-fifty degrees celsius, and moves onto another tray, glancing at the clock to see what time they’ll be done. Macarons take about seventeen minutes, but they should be supervised.

Maybe she needs Park Sooyoung.

She has some leftover buttercream icing in the fridge, which is kind of cheating, but who’s going to judge?

She watches the cookies rise slowly in the oven the whole time, just how she used to when she was a kid and she’d cook with her mum or grandparents. Has she changed at all? She has to have changed. She has to have grown. Has she grown enough?

No, surely not.

Is that why she wants Park Sooyoung by her side right now?

No, not wants. Needs.

She takes out the macarons and puts in the second batch when the middles start to look a bit firmer. Filling one more piping bag up with buttercream, she wonders where Sooyoung might be right now. If Seungwan had to run to her, just to be next to her, would she make it?

At that moment, the doorbell rings.

Seungwan puts her piping bag in a cup so it doesn’t spill, wipes her hands on her jeans, forgetting that she isn’t wearing her apron right now. She now has buttercream and macaron batter down her legs. That's always good.

When she opens the door, she only sees a head of thick, black hair, bent over in front of her door.

Somehow, Seungwan knows who it is already.

‘Sooyoung,’ she greets more happily than she means to. ‘What are you doing here?’

Sooyoung is crouched over like she’s just done laps around the block, breathing in and out heavily. She looks up at smiles at Seungwan, her face bright red.

‘I went to the coffee shop and you weren’t there.’

‘I called in sick. How did you even know where I live?’

‘You told me yesterday,’ she pants. ‘You said you lived upstairs.’

‘But these are apartments. How did you know which was mine? And why are you sweating so much? There’s an elevator.’

She straightens, smooths down her clothes. This is the first time Seungwan has seen her out of her makeup and stage costumes. If she’s honest, it’s not helping her giant crush. Sooyoung is prettier when she’s casual. More real.

‘I ran up the stairs,’ she says. ‘And I asked around. Just a few people. I knocked on their doors. Well, every door.’

‘You knocked on every door?’

She looks askance with a sheepish grin on her face. She must have forgotten to wear her mask today. ‘Maybe,’ she says.

‘Sooyoung, you’re joking.’

‘Tell your neighbours I’m sorry to inconvenience them, but I had to tell you something.’

'Yes?' Seungwan tells her, and it’s reminiscent of the first time they spoke. It’s a visceral feeling. A hopeful one.

‘I like you,’ Sooyoung says. ‘A lot.’

‘Oh.’

‘I don’t need you to say you like me back or anything. I don’t even need you to talk to me anymore.’ She drops her arms, hitting her side with a sharp slap. ‘I just need you to know. I tried to say it before, but, I don’t know, I couldn’t. But then I promised you. So I had to say it.’

Seungwan stands in the doorway for a few moments, frozen in shock. She watches the way Sooyoung’s eyebrows twist together. The way her hands, looking for something to do, play with the little gems on her fingernails. She doesn’t know how to respond.

‘Do you want to come in?’ she asks Sooyoung. ‘I’ll make you some iced coffee if you want.’

‘Oh. Okay,’ says Sooyoung. She limps over to the sofa on Seungwan’s direction, sitting down slowly.

‘Did you ever try those macarons?’ Seungwan calls from the kitchen as she adds instant coffee grounds to a cup with some milk. She takes out the next batch and leaves them on the cooling rack. ‘You want some more?’

‘Sure. Yes, please.’

She fills up the cup with ice and walks over to Sooyoung with a plate of little macarons in her hand.

‘You do make them in-house,’ Sooyoung says with an appreciative nod as she picks one up and admires the icing inside.

‘Didn’t you believe me?’

‘No, I did,’ Sooyoung says. She’s not great at lying. 

‘Well, there’s a fresh batch in the kitchen if those didn’t do the trick.’

‘Where did you learn to bake?’ she asks, mouth full with macaron crumbs.

‘I don’t really know. It was a hobby first. Whenever I was stressed. I guess I got stressed a lot. You know how I am.’

Sooyoung says, ‘I do.’

‘How’s your ankle?’

‘It’s alright. I’ve been trying to rest it as much as I can, but it gets kind of boring. I’ve been restless lately.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry.’ Seungwan says. Without thinking, she adds, ‘Maybe you could rest here if you wanted. I’m not back at work for three more days. You won't be as bored. I mean, if you want.’

Sooyoung is kind of red in the face, but she mutters an agreement anyway. ‘I’d like that,’ she says.

Then there’s the silence except for the music Seungwan was playing earlier. It’s mostly The 1975, but she has a few songs by Joy in that playlist. One comes on at that moment, of course. It’s La Rouge. It brings a certain memory to her mind. Perhaps it does the same to Sooyoung.

‘I’m sorry that the other night happened when you didn’t want it to,' Sooyoung says.

‘It’s not that.’

‘Huh?’

‘It’s not that I didn’t want it to happen. I like spending time with you, Sooyoung.’ 

‘Really?’

‘Yeah,’ Seungwan says. ‘I---I like you. I like being around you. I like it when you come to the coffee shop and order the most ridiculous drink and then don’t even drink it all because it’s too sweet for you.’

‘You noticed that?’ Sooyoung laughs awkwardly, scratching her ear.

‘I did. I think you’re one of my favourite customers.’

‘I’ll make sure to come see you next time you’re there, then.’

‘Yeah, or maybe we could meet somewhere else. At some other twenty-four-hour coffee shop. A Starbucks?’

‘Like on a date?’

Seungwan shrugs. ‘I hope so. If that’s what you want.’

Sooyoung smiles sweetly, sweeter than those pink and yellow macarons. She says, ‘It is. You’re going to get so sick of me.’

And Seungwan, who has always had a sweet tooth, says, ‘I don’t think I will.’

\---

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!  
> ive just made a twt acc to use for my fics so id appreciate if you followed and kept up to date w my works!! follow here: @revebabying


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